Medical or Mathematics?

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i am currently having difficulty to live my life smh

Ssup. Okay I've finished my battle not too long ago but I just can't stop thinking about my future. Don't know if I could reach my dream or not. But hopefully it's all worked (ada ed ke lol)

What should I choose for next year? 
Ok it must be a great lie ah kalau kata I don't hv a hard time to pick the best course for me. You know that it is not something you can just decide in a split second. Because it's risky enough la do. How can you decide your future recklessly? You aren't able to turn back time and change everything just like what you want it to be.

Frankly, I'm neither good in science nor math.
Eng has always be the easiest subject for me.
And I don't want to be a teacher.

I want to be respected as someone really educated.

I do love math a lot but when I was in my form 2, my maths' mark wasn't stable. & it continue untill this year. I lost my confidence to be an accountant or whatever it is related to maths.

My parents would love it a lot if I decided to be a pharmacist. Yes that's what their expectation on me. Family aku takde yang amek medical ya so probably they want me to buat something abnormal from the others?

Well I don't really hate science. It's just most of the time, I can't brain what the hell on earth did the fact said about science. It all seems ridiculous to me because I can't understand it well. In other to become a pharmacist, I need to major in Chemistry. I looked up what's the qualification to be one. Minimum Bs on a few subjects.


I really hv no idea what should I choose. It's all about my future. Takkan la aku nak main pilih je kan. This is not some game or what. I shouldn't gamble on my life. I really can't. Istikharah is the only way. Anyway I don't even know what's my result. Let's pray the best for me! I really want to see my parents happy and proud of having me. I don't want them to regret of taking care someone who can't gv anything to them.

I do think working as a pharmacist is cool because I can't afford it to be a doctor. If I were a doctor, then I'll choose to major in neurosurgery. Well I am attracted to it after watching Doctors lmao nvm it gives me positive vibes tho.


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(no salam)
(no greeting)

Ini bukan appreciation post ya.

Aku tak ada apa nak cerita huhuhuhuhu level hambar saya 100%

Vndxl tu ahlinya semua suka spoil.
& aku pulak tak suka spoiler......

(tabah kuasa dua)

ok bye.

Pity Tree

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So this is the first post for 2016 i guess? *laughing

I'm not sure what to write about. As soon as I'm starting to make a post here, idea dia semua hilang. & it will be written in mix language because I don't even good in my mother tongue language nor english. Then why am I even living here, in the world? *questioning myself*

There is a lot I want to share here.
I really miss the time when aku gila update blog setiap hari.
Come hell or high water, I'm still updating my hambar blog.


you can say that this is kind of throwing back. yup i'm that type of person who likes to remind things from the past for several times. my several times might make other want to punch me straight in my face. but who's cares? itu kejadian alam (wtf)

I'll try to throw back the things happened between November 2015 untill now. But surely it's not well organize. How come an ordinary person can recall every single things since the last few month? Even what I've learnt yesterday was vague. & that's why I'm having thug life. Serious battle between myself and pity tree (pt3).

November - Dec, 2015;

Well. After the final examination, as always... I'll play a lot at school and honestly it was kind of hambar gila masa tahun lepas. I feel like I was being left alone??? Honestly I ponteng quite a number of times after that because I've nothing to do at school + haze (if I'm not mistaken) + my niece was at home. Then aku dgn kawan aku at first we promised to skip school on the same day but she betrayed me first. So we haven't meet till December lol can u believe that? Are we even best friend?? But actually we can't measure the value of bestfriend just by counting how many times u meet each other lol. 

And I even skipped school on the last day of 2015 school session. The fabulous feeling still remaining in me. I think it's useless to be at school on the last day because I've nothing important to do..... 

That was when I'm eagerly waiting for vndxl (previously known as sakurasion13/tagc/wealoscenckrio) (yes we oftenly change the group name). Okay.. that was when i am waiting for vndxl who sit for spm to finish all of their paper and return home asap (because a few of them is from boarding school). I was on cloud nine when they making their comeback rofl. 

During holiday I did nothing much than fangirling. 
I started my new job as IGOT7 since just right era. (don't judge my loyalty)

Everyday I kept fangirling on got7 because they are being drug. I always laughed because they were funny enough. Aku rasa cukup 24 jam straight aku layan dorang memang boleh putus saraf aku. 

Then around asmida's bday, a few of vndxl went to dian's house. I was planning to join them but I couldn't because I didn't get my parents' permission. This was the hardest time for me. I locked myself in a room (hiperbola sangat ni). No actually I'm being mayat hidup for two days straight. What was I doing to overcome the depression? I did nothing. I just let my feeling control me. By that, I just lay in my bed. Crying and crying. Cursing... that's all? Until I satisfied. Until I no longer could cry. Gedik? Well you can say that. But you have to know that meeting vndxl and gathering together has always been my dream. Our friendship is nearly 5-6 years if I'm not mistaken. That was why I was behaving like that. No one could ever understand me that time it's hurt a lot orz.

I gained the strength to stay alive again after those two days despite I was really frustrated. Alhamdulillah.. kalau aku tak dpt jadi normal balik, probably I wouldn't reach this level. Where I am right now lol. And beberapa hari selepas kejadian tragis (ke tragik) tersebut, aku pegi sekolah untuk tolong cikgu kat koop. Masa first day tu memang takde mood langsung ah. Dengan depression dia yg masih bersisa tu mashaAllah perit betul jadi manusia time tu ya. 

Ok nampak tak cerita 2015 pun panjang dah.......
Because aku tau no one will ever read my post.
Sebab tu aku dgn begitu syok sendirinya spill everything yg aku rasa worth it to spill.

January, 2016;
Masih terasa mood cuti (even sekarang pun).
Mood cuti tu daripada selepas upsr ya aku terasa sampai ke sekarang. Nampak ah aku ni kuat sgt ingat benda lepas.

February, 2016;
I lost one of my closest cousin. It was really sad. Tapi siapa kita nak menidakkan ketentuan Allah? Murtad nanti ya. Jadi kena redha. Even sampai ke saat ini aku rasa macam di awang awangan lagi bila ingat how my parents wake me up and tell about this. Aku ingat. Detail. Apa yang aku buat and everything ah on that day.

Masatu rabu, aku tak dtg sekolah sebab sakit perut. Esoknya khamis aku datang lepastu sibuk pinjam buku member sebab tak datang sekolah punya pasal. Nak siapkan nota ah. Balik rumah khamis tu, aku macam biasa ah petang tidur. Malam decided nak buat hw. Aku buat. Tapi half je lah. Then dalam pukul 2 aku tidur. Aku dengar ok hp ayah aku bunyi. But I tot it wasn't important so aku ignore. Aku tidur macam biasa. Then aku fikir parent kejutkan bangun subuh. Mata aku tak larat celik gila sbb terasa ah yang aku tidur kejap gila. Check jam baru 3.30 ok. And aku tersentak betul bila dah betul betul awake, otak aku baru dpt tafsir apa ayah aku kata. Terus on wifi check noti. Terkejut. Serius.

Then tunggu abg aku from jb balik to pick up kitorg (family aku). He arrived segamat dalam pukul 1 lebih ke 2 petang. Then dedua abg aku pi servis kereta bla bla pukul 6 lebih dekat 7 baru gerak ke rawang sbb akak aku pun ikut sekali balik. Sampai kat kampung 3.30 pagi like that, Memang tak dpt tgk ah jenazahnya sebab nak tunggu kami macam tak relevan langsung jauh tu. Then stay kampung sampai Ahad. Selasa baru aku start sekolah dan minggu tu minggu exam start....

Dengan Ahad tu aku kena sakit tekak. Rabu pulak aku demam. So result aku terjejas byk. Semangat pun tenggelam timbul je alahai.

Kesimpulannya aku memang kena study hard ok untuk upcoming exam. Aku tak sanggup tgk result buruk ni otl & ada orang beat aku untuk tahun ni. For the first time since aku masuk sekolah menengah. Ni ah first time aku nampak kurang bijak ahahahahha semoga aku insaf.... (tapi masih layan got7 apakah)

Tak sangka aku stan got7 dah sekarang odg!! (fangirling lagi) *bila nak insaf lah kau samdol* doakanlah aku ni berjaya sentiasa.....
May Nur Syamira binti Azmi get 10A's for PT3 and achieve her goals. May Allah ease everything and grant me my wishes.